The Corrupted Mind

Fraden's picture

Ever since I was young, I've been interested in magic, like my mother. In my house, there are vast quantities of books, lore and tomes all discovered on my mother and fathers travels. This would be my undoing.

Let me tell you a bit about myself. I'm tall, dark hair, green eyes. 22, old enough to have seen my fair share of war, yet young enough to see a lot more. Dressed in black and purple robes, you could mistake me for just another caster. However, you would be sadly mistaken.

A little background. My mother and father met a long time ago in the wetlands. My mother, Cloris, was under attack from a gang of murlocs, she wasn't surviving very long, until my father, the mighty Kesart, came to her rescue, and saved her from an untimely death. They have been inseperable ever since. Shortly after that faithful day, they were married in Stormwind Cathedral, and then they had me.

My father always wanted me to be a warrior. He didn't think anyone who practiced magic could be mighty. (Of course, he never said that to my mother, who was a priest) I wasn't drawn to that cause. Instead, I spent a lot of time with my mother, practicing magic, conjuring my first fireball. I will always remember that first one. The immense heat and flames that radiated from it took my breath away. It was just flames, everywhere, and I had conjured it, from thin air. I just feel sorry for the rat that I hit! From that day, I knew magic was my calling.

A few years passed, we all grew older, both in age and as a family. I continued practicing magic. I was only 16 at the time, when the call came that the evil horde were planning an attack on the mighty Ironforge. My father and mother, both seasoned fighters in their own rights, went to defend the mighty dwaven city. I was too young and inexperienced to join them, so I had to stay back in Stormwind. I longed for the day when I could join my mother and father, and fight alongside them.

A few days later, the battle was raging in Ironforge. Wave after wave of horde kept attacking and the alliance were trying their best to hold them off. Everyday, I awaited news that my parents were fine and that nothing had happened to them. I breathed a sigh of relief when I had a mail from my father saying they were both well, and alive. I ventured into the study, where the mail is kept. I saw something glowing out of the corner of my eye. I turned, and noticed a parchment on the shelves filled with books. I've never seen it before. I thought that it was just a new item my father had found. As I turned to leave, a weird voice filled my mind, taking over my thoughts.

"Come, take a look, you know you want to. Read my words, free me from my prison, and I will grant you unimaginable power!"

The voice continued in my mind, no matter how hard I tried to resist, I couldn't help but go over and look at the piece of parchment. Feeling the thin paper between my fingers, it crackled with energy. The voice fillled my head again.

"Read the words on the paper. Free me from my prison, let me grant you power, beyond your wildest dreams. I can feel already the power that is eminating through you, let me enhance the power in you, make you 10 times what you are now. Read the words"

I stared at the piece of paper in my hands. 6 words. Thats all it was. Yet, something was drawing my mind to it, making me say the words, quietly at first, getting louder and louder;

"Retchi frdes ger vrop het set"

I read them over and over again. A strange feeling washed over me. I looked down at the paper, it felt normal, not like what I had felt a few moments ago. Suddenly, the paper just melted away, crumbling into dust. I was stood, shocked, as I felt like something was watching me. I turned, and at my feet, was a strange being, a weird green glow eminating from its self. I jumped back in shock, as the being spoke to me.

"Thank you master, you have released me from my prison. I am forever in your debt. I can teach you spells from the dark world of shadow. Come, and I will grant you unimaginable power."

I stood, silent. What had I done? Do I go and see what this strange creature can show me? Or do I just try and see if I can banish it from where it came from, wherever that is. Thoughts cursed through my mind as causiously, I followed the strange demon.

Walking out of my house, the demon turned to me. Suddenly, a wave of darkness hit me. I felt abnormal, yet invigorated, empowered. It was a strange feeling, one I had never felt before! A deep sense of evil followed, and as much as I tried, I couldn't resist the temptation. I embraced the shadow, feeling the dark run through my veins.

"Master, that is just the start of what I can show you, come, see my friend. He can teach you more"

I followed, carefully.......

Comments


tanitha's picture

I quite like the concept and some of the work you've put into it. My one suggestion would be to take a step back and to read through it again. Defocus your mind from the actual words, and try to see the flow of them. When reading this piece, there are a few spots that stand out like jagged little edges that snag you out of immersion in the story. As an example:

A few years passed, we all grew older, both in age and as a family. I continued practicing magic. I was only 16 at the time, when the call came that the evil horde were planning an attack on the mighty Ironforge.

rewritten as

Whilst I focussed myself on practicing the arcane arts under my mother's careful tutelage, my father accepted a commission in the Stormwind garrison training raw recruits. Green, he called them. It was a good time for us, filled with joy and accomplishment and as the years passed and we grew, both in age and in the loving ties of family. In the summer of the year 598 this fragile peace was shattered however. A Dark Horde boiled out of the Blasted Lands as a legion of Orcs, Tauren and Trolls assaulted the noble Dwarven city of Ironforge. According to father, the Dwarves were stout defenders and would hold the city until reinforcements could arrive. It was that selfsame afternoon that I kissed them goodbye as they departed on the Deeprun tram, for the cold North - for Loch Modan.

Whilst that is still a bit raw, it should give you an idea of what I mean with smoothing out the jagged edges. I hope, at least.


tanitha's picture

So Fraden, I'm eager to read the next installment. Any word on when that will be posted, pretty pretty please!


Fraden's picture

Well, I honestly don't know where to go from here, suffering writers block so to speak. Am working on something though, will get it up asap


tanitha's picture

Storyboard it. You have a rough outline and concept in front of you. The logical next chapter would be to show us what happens when he follows the demon. So what happens when a wielder of arcane power is being seduced by the dark arts? Would he be discovered or shunned by his peers? Wielders of shadow magic are accepted, if not trusted - so how would those he knows react to him having gained this power? Would he be driven out or accepted? How would his parents react upon their return from the battle of Ironforge? If they return - them dying during that battle might be a great story hook for delving into forbidden arts to try and either resurrect them or to speak with their spirits one last time. You have a lot of potential ahead of you in this story.

What I find works for me is to take a pen and paper (Antiquated, I know!) and to write down loose thoughts about how things can develop. Circle them. Draw lines between them. Basically weave a tapestry of potential story lines and then let your mind drift amongst them.


Fraden's picture

Sorry Tan, I know you want to read the next bit, but I've been busying levelling my lock. You know how addictive locks are =D

I will get it up asap

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