I now have a Basic Handling Certificate. This means I can now legally apply for a learner license. And that I have enough ability to actually ride a motorcycle without falling off. And was that intense! Picture this. Sicily, 1949. No, not quite, but probably as hot. It was baking here on Saturday and I'm out of the house with eyes swollen red and puffy from all the hay in the air. Or pollen. Or whatever those fluffy things are bears wear. I mean. Bees wear on their legs. Bees. Wear. Bears. It happens.

So anyway, I go there expecting to fail and what happens? I'm the only one. With two instructors. One Scottish guy that speaks in such a soft and even tone I'm looking for a tracheotomy scar and the other a half insane Chinese fellow that spent too much time in the sun. Everytime he tells me what to do, and I start practicing it then he wanders of throwing his hands in the air and shouting at the sky in Mandarin. And I'm convinced the bugger was saying things like: "Curse you gods of my rice bowl! You send this gwei-loh to study here, eh? Ayeeeah. I never give rice to temple. Never again! You make it go away! Chop-chop!"

Or something like that. Until eventually Patrick just wandered over and said he gets like that, it's the sun. I don't believe that for a moment. Look. Let's be honest. I bloody well sucked. Oh I got the leaning thing. I could brake bloody well and stop inside the little 30cm x 20cm box too. That was no problem. Cornering, cone weaving, all those things. I could do them. It was the slow ride. Ride down a series of spots on the tarmac. They're half a meter apart and stretch oh, about 20 or 30 yards. And you have to cover that distance in at LEAST 10 seconds. That's like first gear, no throttle. Okay, I can go slow. But now I have to balance on this thing and it's just unnatural! I tell you, it's just unnatural. And, I struggled with that one. Very much so.

So there are a few things I need to work on. One is the idea that the motorcycle goes where you're looking. I got that a few times when doing the cone weaving, so I'm a believer amen! And it's a pretty awesome feeling when you are looking off in the distance and the bike is just weaving through the slalom course beneath you like it's alive or something. Just awesome! My condolences goes to the families of the cones I killed. It was only three, but one got dragged for a bit and turned into a smear. I'm deeply sorry for it. Flowers will be sent. I had to practice!

And the second thing is braking. I brake well. But I have the bad, bad habit of braking with three fingers. I keep my index finger clutching the throttle. That is NOT good. I need to unlearn that quick smart.

Anyway, I have the certificate. I'm studying for my theory test now which I'll hopefully sit Friday, tomorrow night I'm going gear shopping. I have a helmet, now I need jacket, pants, gloves and a wicked set of riding boots. (Gear is almost as much as the motorcycle! Lol!) And then, if all goes well, I'll be able to kit up and go for a ride around the neighbourhood this weekend.

I've gone and sat on the bike every day this week so far, just fondling the petrol tank. It's got these real ape hanger handle bars and the footpegs are like WAY out front. I feel like a Terminator on it.

Muahahahaha! Fun fun fun! Suggestions for ink and location in writing please.